Reclaiming What We Seek Outside Ourselves

Our perceptions shape how we experience life. The way we interpret events, people, and emotions colours everything. Not because life itself changes, but because our inner lens does. Beneath that lens lie our core beliefs that are often quiet, unseen and exist to protect our sense of self.

At the heart of so many of our reactions is an unconscious effort to uphold something essential: our worth, our safety, our belonging, our lovability. These are the foundations every human needs. But for many of us, they become things we try to earn rather than rest in.

As you move through your days, notice where you might be subtly negotiating with yourself in order to feel loved or securte. It might sound like:

• “If they would just understand me, then I’d finally feel seen.”

• “If this situation were different, I could finally relax.”

• “If I hold it all together, maybe they’ll stay.”

These quiet inner agreements are so common. They are ways we trade pieces of our truth, voice, or needs to maintain connection or approval. They’re born from the deep human longing to belong. Yet over time, they can distance us from ourselves, and that becomes an even deeper wound.

What if, instead, you began to catch these inner negotiations as they arise with curiosity? What if you paused to ask:

• “What am I hoping this person or circumstance will give me?”

• “What would it feel like to release them from that responsibility?”

• “What remains true about me, even if nothing changes?”

This is where healing begins! When we remember that love, worth, and safety are not things to be earned or negotiated for. They are qualities that live within us, waiting to be reclaimed.

Each time you notice yourself seeking them externally, gently turn inward. Place a hand on your heart. Feel your breath. And remind yourself: I already am what I’ve been trying to find.